So, I cant even remember how long its been since the last post, I have so many other things occupying my brainspace now that my son is away at residential treatment.
He is doing ok, babysteps, been getting into about as much trouble there as he does at home, only now someone more qualified can handle the outcome, the consequences, the outbursts. We have settled into our new normal , I think, after about 5-6 weeks. It feels very helpless that someone else has all the input and all the information. For example, its time for the IEP, well, this time going in, will be very different, I haven't seen him on a daily basis, and don't have any input as to homework and such, and will be listening to what the teachers and staff has to say , also when it comes to plan going forward, I will have very little to say, and mostly just listening in, and okaying or not okaying the goals, I guess. I don't know, Its going to be very different.
He is settling in also, Not irritating his roomates as much he says, and thinks the new meds , the antipsychotics are working well, but not the adhd meds, so I will take that up with his psychiatrist, and this time, again, will not be able to add my own observations at all, only whart I know of him and his behaviours from the past.
Waiting for the date for the IEP, also we have been cleared to visit in 2 weeks, which will also be his birthday, so that will be fun!

If you are new to Parenting a child with behaviour issues, you really should try charts, break them down into mornings and afternoons, with small awards of recognition, then a bigger prize at the end of the week. Make it something you think is within reach at first, then increase the expectations slowly, to allow their confidence to grow along with the work.
with some children it wont work, but it does work for most, and dont give up at first, keep plugging.
If you have one of those where charting doesnt work, someone who is low in confidence, oppositional, or unstable in any way, just make very clear rules, and have very clear consequenses, good choices bring good consequenses, and bad choices bring bad consequenses, I know it sounds simple, but try implementing it, . a tantrum is not acceptable, and will have a consequense, if you have a child with tantrums or rages, best to let them,finish their rage, then state the natural consequense, and allow, for some upset feelings, try to zip it, say nothing, but under no sircumstance can they get out of the circumstance. The trick is to let them process, without feeding in your own dissappointments. allow them to be upset, and be calm.

residential trealment

Last Friday we took our 14 year old son to residential treatment center . It was harder than I expected. The facility was beautiful, the staff caring, everything I think I could ask for, but its hard to turn a fragile boy and his everyday care over to strangers. It is what I think he needs, I feel good about the decision, much work lies ahead. We didnt do this to sedn him away, we did it because nothing else worked. This was where the road led to, but its difficult nonetheless.
I hope and pray he makes great progress, that he learns to accept his condition, that he learns about his triggers and how to compensate for things that are particularly difficult for him, so that he can emerge the successful young man that I know is inside.
I look forward to our first phone call in 2 weeks, with mixed emotions, I look forward to hearing his voice, and possibly see his face via skype, but i worry that he will be wanting to come home, and that I will have to tell him no.
I have great faith in the staff, and their knowledge of adolescents with multiple psychiatric disgnoses, I have already tried everything imaginable, and now its on to bigger and hopefully better than what mama can do . It takes a village, not only to raise a child, an even bigger village to raise a child with mental health issues, and that same village to support the mama raising that child,
God Bless you all!

Whats important to look at and what makes children with behaviour issues different and needing more parenting than others is the way they react to everyday and not everyday occurrences.
With my son the BP++, things like I dont have any clean clothes , ends up in a blaming and yelling, and if i'm not careful, " you hate me, I'm retarded" blurtedout. Because many things get blown way out of proportion in their head, the minute theres doesnt seem to be anything to wear, for example, the whole day seems to be lost and how can I go on without clothes, i must be unloved etc.
So, to pull them back down to earth with, "ok, lets see whats in your closet" might take a half an hour, because I cant get a word in between the insults and anger.
Another is to be called in to get ready for the week on a sunday before its dark, becomes a digging in " no, i'm not, go ahead, make me, you &^$%&$!
These are of course not "normal" reactions, while other of my children may resist coming inside before dark, only the 3 year old toddler, and the 14 year old BP, actually end up in a full blown tantrum over it

placement

Had another IEP meeting last week for residential placement, and got some good info, allthough AB3632 pays for the program, there are restrictions due to insurance because should a medical neseccity come up, the insurance has to be used obviously, and so come to find out, most os the residential treatment places take medical, and many ONLY take medical, some take healthy fam which is what we have, and some take private insurance, .
so, I'm thinking, there must be a huge need from people who fit in the set of having medical , otherwise it wouldnt be like this, and I wonder why that is...


So, now we are looking at places a little farther away, which means the family therapy sessions would be done via telephone, or skype, if they have that.
Another thing I was told, is that it IS possible for the parent to influence the desicion where the child is placed, which I had been told before, I could not. If I want to can do some research on my own, then call and make a request, so thats what I will do. always feel better about knowing a little bit ahead of time, and also being involved in the desicion process.

I Dont know where i read this, but I like it, so Im going to say it again.
You've heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child,,, well, heres a new just as true twist

It takes a village to support the mom raising a child with mental health issues.

Thats why I am starting a supportgroup, I couldnt find one in my area, all moms, (and dads too i guess) are welcome, we will share our failures and successes, and be a source of strength and information to each other, once a month the first tuesday of each month at my church, New Wine Church 1425 Brookhurst in fullerton, right off the 91 freeway, at 630.

unsure?

Wondering weather or not your child has a mental health issue? Its difficult to pin point , and of course we dont want to see theres anything out of the "socallednormal" with our children, but consider this, by NOT looking into it if you suspect it, you may be hindering you child from succeeding and you may be the obstacle to their happiness and well being. SO think about this, many symptoms are everyday emotions and behaviours, what you need to look for is, weather they are presenting themselves more often than other children( much more) and if they are presenting themselves at different times, as inappropriate. If you see any of these, there may be reason for concern, and you should definetely have at leats 2 psychiatric evaluations? consultations.
also, I think its important to note, if you are not completely comfortable with the dr, get another!
also, if you find one you are comfortable with, and he/she says or want to implment something you dont agree with, voice your concerns and get clarity, it may be fine, and it may be unnessecary.