If you are new to Parenting a child with behaviour issues, you really should try charts, break them down into mornings and afternoons, with small awards of recognition, then a bigger prize at the end of the week. Make it something you think is within reach at first, then increase the expectations slowly, to allow their confidence to grow along with the work.
with some children it wont work, but it does work for most, and dont give up at first, keep plugging.
If you have one of those where charting doesnt work, someone who is low in confidence, oppositional, or unstable in any way, just make very clear rules, and have very clear consequenses, good choices bring good consequenses, and bad choices bring bad consequenses, I know it sounds simple, but try implementing it, . a tantrum is not acceptable, and will have a consequense, if you have a child with tantrums or rages, best to let them,finish their rage, then state the natural consequense, and allow, for some upset feelings, try to zip it, say nothing, but under no sircumstance can they get out of the circumstance. The trick is to let them process, without feeding in your own dissappointments. allow them to be upset, and be calm.

residential trealment

Last Friday we took our 14 year old son to residential treatment center . It was harder than I expected. The facility was beautiful, the staff caring, everything I think I could ask for, but its hard to turn a fragile boy and his everyday care over to strangers. It is what I think he needs, I feel good about the decision, much work lies ahead. We didnt do this to sedn him away, we did it because nothing else worked. This was where the road led to, but its difficult nonetheless.
I hope and pray he makes great progress, that he learns to accept his condition, that he learns about his triggers and how to compensate for things that are particularly difficult for him, so that he can emerge the successful young man that I know is inside.
I look forward to our first phone call in 2 weeks, with mixed emotions, I look forward to hearing his voice, and possibly see his face via skype, but i worry that he will be wanting to come home, and that I will have to tell him no.
I have great faith in the staff, and their knowledge of adolescents with multiple psychiatric disgnoses, I have already tried everything imaginable, and now its on to bigger and hopefully better than what mama can do . It takes a village, not only to raise a child, an even bigger village to raise a child with mental health issues, and that same village to support the mama raising that child,
God Bless you all!

Whats important to look at and what makes children with behaviour issues different and needing more parenting than others is the way they react to everyday and not everyday occurrences.
With my son the BP++, things like I dont have any clean clothes , ends up in a blaming and yelling, and if i'm not careful, " you hate me, I'm retarded" blurtedout. Because many things get blown way out of proportion in their head, the minute theres doesnt seem to be anything to wear, for example, the whole day seems to be lost and how can I go on without clothes, i must be unloved etc.
So, to pull them back down to earth with, "ok, lets see whats in your closet" might take a half an hour, because I cant get a word in between the insults and anger.
Another is to be called in to get ready for the week on a sunday before its dark, becomes a digging in " no, i'm not, go ahead, make me, you &^$%&$!
These are of course not "normal" reactions, while other of my children may resist coming inside before dark, only the 3 year old toddler, and the 14 year old BP, actually end up in a full blown tantrum over it

placement

Had another IEP meeting last week for residential placement, and got some good info, allthough AB3632 pays for the program, there are restrictions due to insurance because should a medical neseccity come up, the insurance has to be used obviously, and so come to find out, most os the residential treatment places take medical, and many ONLY take medical, some take healthy fam which is what we have, and some take private insurance, .
so, I'm thinking, there must be a huge need from people who fit in the set of having medical , otherwise it wouldnt be like this, and I wonder why that is...


So, now we are looking at places a little farther away, which means the family therapy sessions would be done via telephone, or skype, if they have that.
Another thing I was told, is that it IS possible for the parent to influence the desicion where the child is placed, which I had been told before, I could not. If I want to can do some research on my own, then call and make a request, so thats what I will do. always feel better about knowing a little bit ahead of time, and also being involved in the desicion process.