I Dont know where i read this, but I like it, so Im going to say it again.
You've heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child,,, well, heres a new just as true twist

It takes a village to support the mom raising a child with mental health issues.

Thats why I am starting a supportgroup, I couldnt find one in my area, all moms, (and dads too i guess) are welcome, we will share our failures and successes, and be a source of strength and information to each other, once a month the first tuesday of each month at my church, New Wine Church 1425 Brookhurst in fullerton, right off the 91 freeway, at 630.

unsure?

Wondering weather or not your child has a mental health issue? Its difficult to pin point , and of course we dont want to see theres anything out of the "socallednormal" with our children, but consider this, by NOT looking into it if you suspect it, you may be hindering you child from succeeding and you may be the obstacle to their happiness and well being. SO think about this, many symptoms are everyday emotions and behaviours, what you need to look for is, weather they are presenting themselves more often than other children( much more) and if they are presenting themselves at different times, as inappropriate. If you see any of these, there may be reason for concern, and you should definetely have at leats 2 psychiatric evaluations? consultations.
also, I think its important to note, if you are not completely comfortable with the dr, get another!
also, if you find one you are comfortable with, and he/she says or want to implment something you dont agree with, voice your concerns and get clarity, it may be fine, and it may be unnessecary.

The Desire of a Manic Depressive

The Desire of a Manic Depressive

Oh the desire for a steady mood,
for one that Bipolar does not intrude,
to level out the diverse swings,
the need to succeed and other things,
but the clouded reality could make you scream,
for this desire remains a dream.


- Emma Mack

Routines, and diets.

A few things that I think are super important, and easy to do are plenty of sleep, a steady routine, and a healthy diet free of pesticides and food coloring.
Really , its not as hard as you think.
Make a schedule and stick to it, remember mamma is the boss, haha. Take into account that most people with mental health struggles need a little more sleep than others, and children even more so, I schedule 9-10 hours for my 14 year old.
second, since things that come unexpected will throw anyone for a loop, keep a steady schedule so that they know what to expect and what comes next, when things are going to change, talk about it ahead of time if possible.
The diet, OK, this one takes a little more work, and its best if you get the whole family on the same page, so as not to single the child out. Pesticides and food colorings have been shown to have an impact on focus, learning, and central nervous system, even if its only a little, lets doo all we can and eliminate these things. I have read about other moms who take it one further and go gluten free as well, thats my next ambition.
Eating healthy will also help with weight so to help the all too often low self-esteem that we find in our children with MI.
Hope this helps, I look forward to your input

yesterday we were gone for a few hours and cme back to find my son had been playing with water ,,,and fire,,,I have not see the plating with fire before, and have been asked in most standard forms at psychiatrist and psychologists about preoccupation with fire, so of course my mind went straight to &^%ohno!!!FIRE%^4AAHH.!!
Then I thought to myself, better not make a big deal out of it, after all it may never happen again, .
There is of course the danger of not thinking of consequences for actions and taking risks that fits my son to a tee, hence 4 broken bones over a 6 year period. And so , therefore, i will worry and keep an eye out for playing with fire, just add it to my list.
I think one thing we do in parenting children with mental health issues is put out lots of "guiderails".
More so than with my other children, with this son I need to put out many more guiderails, always redirecting and getting back on track, often denying some activities, as they would most certainly cause a flair up, such as all nighters. Lack of sleep is a certain trigger, and denying things like midnite toilet papering etc, for us is a must. Not easy, but has to be done.

lies and blame

These few days of school have been on and off, tuesday he went, wednesday he didnt, thursday he went, friday he didnt, monday he went,,,and tuesday hewent. each day there was a struggle in the morning, weather he ended up going to school or not, and it was always, the school is dumb,
the school is retarded,
everyone makes fun of me,
i hate the school,
until today, this morning it was, i hate you, and its all your fault I'm going etc, so,, we are back to normal. Because thats whats normal here in our house, he hates me and everything is my fault,
If he has nothing to wear , its my fault, if his pants dont fit, its my fault, etc. Lats week, i gave him a new pair of shorts, well that was wrong because they were waaay too big, , but he wore them, This week, after a washing, the shorts were waay too small( my fault) but he wore them,,,
I have been sending money with him to buy lunch, and he comes home and tells me lunch was free, well, yesterday he spent the lunch money on arizona teas, so today I didnt give him lunch money since lunch was free,,, well that was wrong,,,
yesterday I asked him, where did you get money fro the teas,
he said " my friend gave it tome, I have 3 friends already"
so I said, then you have my 3 dollars still,
he said no
so i said, well then you spent them on the teas,
he said no,,,
eventually the truth did come out,
he spent the 3 dollars on the teas, I dont know why he lies about the obvious, but he does it all the time, i think he wants to be caught, but usually it ends in a huge blow up, today it was a small blow up, just a little yellling, and one door slamming, that all,,

Im the beginning

when I first came to parent my son , he was almost 3 years old, and within a few weeks he was having extreme tantrums, and spewing profanity at me, I was shocked to say the leats. The tantrums were almost like spinning in circles with his arms out and going up and down, so as to do the most possible damage. followed of course by the standard throwing himself on the ground and beating it. For a while I thought , wow, these are radical terrible two's, then at 5 and 6 they were still there. I thought all along that I could "love" him well, by the time second round of 3rd grade came, I realized that this was bigger thanme and that I needed help, so we set out to get psychiatric help, got meds and therapy, been doing this for five years now...
Over the years, when ever something is unexpected, or of authority, we usually get a blow-up, and since I am usually the one who decides and controls things, as most mams do, most of the uglyness and hatred is directed at me. I do realize that much of it stems from before i got him, and tht most of it is outside of his control, but that doesnt always take the sting from what is happening. Today after 12 years, i can pretty well walk away and stay calm, because I have learned how over the years and picked up tools on how to interact with a child with his condition,
but surprisingly, I still get exhausted by it. I had 2 days away, this weekend, and the first day back, I was exhausted by 5 oclock!

more resources

A website that i found informative for pediatric onset Bipolar disorder is BPkids.org, but now I cant find it anymore, there are lots out there though. Plus NAMI covers pediatric onset bipolar disorder.

theres lots of info on ADHD, and how it is often accompanied by ODD, as in my sons case.

One thing thats difficult to find good info on is RAD, reactive attachment disorder, a good website is radkid.org, and you should be able to find a therapist through their directory, RAD therapists are few and far between. and I have not seen this issue covered on the NAMI site.
/www.therapeuticmilieu.org/

Here's a website with lots of good info, i found especially residentials through here



do you have any resources you would like to share with me?

first day of non public school

Well, i got up early tuesday morning to get ready for the big day, and,,, he wouldn't go. Iwasnt all that surprised, he told me the day before he wasnt going, he also wouldnt go do bloodwork, so then I had to take him off the lithium, and called for a replacement, meanwhile I am not giving him the adhd med since that can lead to agression, which obviously we dont want to do in an already agressive violent type. He was pretty defiant most of the day, trying to control things, which is the RAD, we had started RAD therapy couple of months ago,but he wouldnt participate much of the time, so I stopped. Its really hard to find a RAD therapist, and I had high hopes for the therapy, but oh well, just another let down. By the end of the day, he was calm, and we, much to my surprise, had a conversation about mental Illness without arguing, then he asked me to watch a special about it with him, amazing. then he went to bed, and the next morning got up and I took him to school. I left there at 9 oclock, and 1 hour 15 minutes later I had the first call from school.
The big difference now is they are not asking me to come pick him up, they are just letting me know whats going on! I'm sure part of his plan in being defiant was he thought he would get picked up, thats what happens in public school, but not now, this is the big league, these people will actually handle the problem!!WOW!!
He didnt actually have any class time, but came home on the van with the other kids, had some time in therapy with the DR of the school.
That evening we talked with him about school and he informed us he wasnt going the next day, and next morning, sure enough, refuses to go again..
also refused the consequence for refusing to go to school, which is staying in his room, so now I have a defiant child who pretty much does what he wants!

Since I am stillwaiting to get a new med and get him stable on it, I am not pushing any unpleasant issues with him, in fear he'll escalate into an episode where he wants to kill me again.
It sure is a slow process.

links and resources

here are a few helpful linkshttp://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Team-of-Advocates-for-Special-Kids-TASK/114858278813

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Open-Up/21130978842

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/officialNAMI?ref=ts

a few months ago, I met with a child advocate, to see if I should hire someone else to take charge of the situation, and if possibly a third party could do more than I was getting done. I came out of the meeting, clearly knowing that I am my childs best advocate, I believe no one will fight as hard and long for his rights and needs as I will, and so I will likely never hire an advocate. This may have something to do with my personality type, I tend to not give up, and I am stubborn, persistent and opinionated, when I put this to good use, things usually go my way.

I looked for a support group for parents of children with behaviour issues in socal, and could not find any, so I have created my own, we will have our first meeting tuesday August 3rd at 6:30, and will meet once a month, all are welcome, we will meet at my church, New Wine Church, in Fullerton 1425 brookhurst. weahter your child has a diagnosis, or you are just having trouble with something behaviour related at home or at school, you are welcome to come join us to talk or listen or both!

passing time

So apparently I will get no cooperation with anything, at this point, and I'm not really stressing it. I got the services he needs approved, its just a matter of processing the papers at this point, so as long as he doesnt get so worked up that I have to call the police, I think I'm just going to pass time til residential starts. He is supposed to have first day of school tomorrow, but he wont take a shower, and he wont go to bed, so chances of his getting up in the morning are slim. I'll take it as it comes, and let the pro's battle it when they have him, that way I dont have to endure any more verbal abuse, and also our already fragile relationship doesnt have to tatter any more. That doesnt mean there wont be consequences for behaviour and defiance however. Now that he is enrolled , even if he wont sign the dress code etc, and even if he never even shows up, I think, I at least have the venue for the next IEP, where residential representatives will be present and will implement the next step. I am strongly hoping and praying for Vista Del Mar, its not too far away, and has great activities. If and when he runs away, or breaks the rules there, I'll worry about later. I am sooo glad I finally have this coming, since I need to get it done and get him well enought o accept his condition and function in society before he turns 18, at which point I think the funding changes.

this and that

Yesterday while I was driving to church, I was thinking about how we as a society treat mental illness different than we do other serious illness, and I thought I had great post in my head, but of course by the time I sit down to type, I have forgotten half of it. with most any other serious illlness, theres an immediate thought to whats the best medisin, what do I need to do. But some how when you tell someone you take psych meds, theres a different reaction. I mean shouldnt it be the same as if I tell you I have cancer and I will start with Chemo and radiation, or if I tell you, I have bipolar disorder and I take a combination of mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. I mean , to me as a parent , and also having had friends over the years who battle with BP(no pun intended),
the reaction is totally different, just an observation, much work needs to be done.

this evening I am prepping for tomorrows first day of special ed school, and also happen to be blood test day, for lithium dosing, which of course has to be done predosing,,,I feel like I'm setting myself up here, if its not apparent already, my son reacts usually with violence and threats, and profanity, when things are unpleasant, unexpected, unwanted, etc,,,
I can prepare for some of this, but not all of it obviously, so I attempt to prepare him for thiings slowly little at a time, however, he has already told me he isnt getting up tomorrow, and isnt going to school, or lab. I asked him to come sign some paperwork, and he said no, i wont, and I ma not going to follow the rules anyway, so I took the cord to the x-box, and told him no more video games,,, he then took the paperwork and saud i'm gonna rip it up, asked me if I had more, I said I'm sure they have more at school,,,
life would be so much simpler if your children didnt feel like you were out to get them,,,?

Letting go

Letting go, doesnt mean ( at least not to me) letting go of your child, or the fight onward. Letting go is letting go of the stress and the worry, easier said than done, I know. I do alot of praying, a lot!
I know with utmost certainty that i am following Gods lead, and this helps me to let go of the stress. I know that I am doing everything I can, and in praying about the outcome, I know that every door that is opened for my children through what I do on their behalf is blessed by God. Because I pray, I dont have to worry, sure I take it back sometimes, and worry anyway, I'm only human, often times in my quest for my sons education and in my other children too, I have been told, oh, no, you cant do it that way, most often, I end up getting it the way I set out for it to be, because I pray, Now I laugh when someone tells me it cant be done, ha, htey dont know who's in mt corner. This is not to say that I dont have setbacks, of course I do, and I dont always get my way, but I always get Gods way.
My biggest lesson in letting go, was the second time my daughter ran away, she is untreated ADD, and I believe undiagnosed RAD, with poss depression, call is mothers instinct, you know, we are usually right. Anyways, the second time, she ran, my husband was in Africa, on a missionary trip, I was pregnant at 41, and knew i had to keep my stresslevel down as I had already miscarried once a few months earlier and knew this was it. So when I found her bed with pillows in it still in the morning( she would sneak out alot and always come home before morning), I knew she was a gonner. I called my husband right away, it took a while to get a call back, meanwhile i prayed, and after talking to my husband, i completely let it go, I said God , she's in your hands. My daughter is still out there running, theres nothing I can do, some kids are bent on falling on their faces.
With my son, theres more psychiatric interventions, but i am starting to see the pattern, and at 14 I feel him slipping out of my hands, I work harder to get him what he needs before its too late, and I pray, so I dont have to worry. we all know too well how many people with Mh issues end up undiagnosed in the prisons instead, because we couldnt reach them in time, I wont let another one bite the dust! But , I dont worry. I do all the footwork, and the research, and I pray.