Im the beginning

when I first came to parent my son , he was almost 3 years old, and within a few weeks he was having extreme tantrums, and spewing profanity at me, I was shocked to say the leats. The tantrums were almost like spinning in circles with his arms out and going up and down, so as to do the most possible damage. followed of course by the standard throwing himself on the ground and beating it. For a while I thought , wow, these are radical terrible two's, then at 5 and 6 they were still there. I thought all along that I could "love" him well, by the time second round of 3rd grade came, I realized that this was bigger thanme and that I needed help, so we set out to get psychiatric help, got meds and therapy, been doing this for five years now...
Over the years, when ever something is unexpected, or of authority, we usually get a blow-up, and since I am usually the one who decides and controls things, as most mams do, most of the uglyness and hatred is directed at me. I do realize that much of it stems from before i got him, and tht most of it is outside of his control, but that doesnt always take the sting from what is happening. Today after 12 years, i can pretty well walk away and stay calm, because I have learned how over the years and picked up tools on how to interact with a child with his condition,
but surprisingly, I still get exhausted by it. I had 2 days away, this weekend, and the first day back, I was exhausted by 5 oclock!