So, I cant even remember how long its been since the last post, I have so many other things occupying my brainspace now that my son is away at residential treatment.
He is doing ok, babysteps, been getting into about as much trouble there as he does at home, only now someone more qualified can handle the outcome, the consequences, the outbursts. We have settled into our new normal , I think, after about 5-6 weeks. It feels very helpless that someone else has all the input and all the information. For example, its time for the IEP, well, this time going in, will be very different, I haven't seen him on a daily basis, and don't have any input as to homework and such, and will be listening to what the teachers and staff has to say , also when it comes to plan going forward, I will have very little to say, and mostly just listening in, and okaying or not okaying the goals, I guess. I don't know, Its going to be very different.
He is settling in also, Not irritating his roomates as much he says, and thinks the new meds , the antipsychotics are working well, but not the adhd meds, so I will take that up with his psychiatrist, and this time, again, will not be able to add my own observations at all, only whart I know of him and his behaviours from the past.
Waiting for the date for the IEP, also we have been cleared to visit in 2 weeks, which will also be his birthday, so that will be fun!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
If you are new to Parenting a child with behaviour issues, you really should try charts, break them down into mornings and afternoons, with small awards of recognition, then a bigger prize at the end of the week. Make it something you think is within reach at first, then increase the expectations slowly, to allow their confidence to grow along with the work.
with some children it wont work, but it does work for most, and dont give up at first, keep plugging.
If you have one of those where charting doesnt work, someone who is low in confidence, oppositional, or unstable in any way, just make very clear rules, and have very clear consequenses, good choices bring good consequenses, and bad choices bring bad consequenses, I know it sounds simple, but try implementing it, . a tantrum is not acceptable, and will have a consequense, if you have a child with tantrums or rages, best to let them,finish their rage, then state the natural consequense, and allow, for some upset feelings, try to zip it, say nothing, but under no sircumstance can they get out of the circumstance. The trick is to let them process, without feeding in your own dissappointments. allow them to be upset, and be calm.
with some children it wont work, but it does work for most, and dont give up at first, keep plugging.
If you have one of those where charting doesnt work, someone who is low in confidence, oppositional, or unstable in any way, just make very clear rules, and have very clear consequenses, good choices bring good consequenses, and bad choices bring bad consequenses, I know it sounds simple, but try implementing it, . a tantrum is not acceptable, and will have a consequense, if you have a child with tantrums or rages, best to let them,finish their rage, then state the natural consequense, and allow, for some upset feelings, try to zip it, say nothing, but under no sircumstance can they get out of the circumstance. The trick is to let them process, without feeding in your own dissappointments. allow them to be upset, and be calm.
Monday, August 23, 2010
residential trealment
Last Friday we took our 14 year old son to residential treatment center . It was harder than I expected. The facility was beautiful, the staff caring, everything I think I could ask for, but its hard to turn a fragile boy and his everyday care over to strangers. It is what I think he needs, I feel good about the decision, much work lies ahead. We didnt do this to sedn him away, we did it because nothing else worked. This was where the road led to, but its difficult nonetheless.
I hope and pray he makes great progress, that he learns to accept his condition, that he learns about his triggers and how to compensate for things that are particularly difficult for him, so that he can emerge the successful young man that I know is inside.
I look forward to our first phone call in 2 weeks, with mixed emotions, I look forward to hearing his voice, and possibly see his face via skype, but i worry that he will be wanting to come home, and that I will have to tell him no.
I have great faith in the staff, and their knowledge of adolescents with multiple psychiatric disgnoses, I have already tried everything imaginable, and now its on to bigger and hopefully better than what mama can do . It takes a village, not only to raise a child, an even bigger village to raise a child with mental health issues, and that same village to support the mama raising that child,
God Bless you all!
I hope and pray he makes great progress, that he learns to accept his condition, that he learns about his triggers and how to compensate for things that are particularly difficult for him, so that he can emerge the successful young man that I know is inside.
I look forward to our first phone call in 2 weeks, with mixed emotions, I look forward to hearing his voice, and possibly see his face via skype, but i worry that he will be wanting to come home, and that I will have to tell him no.
I have great faith in the staff, and their knowledge of adolescents with multiple psychiatric disgnoses, I have already tried everything imaginable, and now its on to bigger and hopefully better than what mama can do . It takes a village, not only to raise a child, an even bigger village to raise a child with mental health issues, and that same village to support the mama raising that child,
God Bless you all!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Whats important to look at and what makes children with behaviour issues different and needing more parenting than others is the way they react to everyday and not everyday occurrences.
With my son the BP++, things like I dont have any clean clothes , ends up in a blaming and yelling, and if i'm not careful, " you hate me, I'm retarded" blurtedout. Because many things get blown way out of proportion in their head, the minute theres doesnt seem to be anything to wear, for example, the whole day seems to be lost and how can I go on without clothes, i must be unloved etc.
So, to pull them back down to earth with, "ok, lets see whats in your closet" might take a half an hour, because I cant get a word in between the insults and anger.
Another is to be called in to get ready for the week on a sunday before its dark, becomes a digging in " no, i'm not, go ahead, make me, you &^$%&$!
These are of course not "normal" reactions, while other of my children may resist coming inside before dark, only the 3 year old toddler, and the 14 year old BP, actually end up in a full blown tantrum over it
With my son the BP++, things like I dont have any clean clothes , ends up in a blaming and yelling, and if i'm not careful, " you hate me, I'm retarded" blurtedout. Because many things get blown way out of proportion in their head, the minute theres doesnt seem to be anything to wear, for example, the whole day seems to be lost and how can I go on without clothes, i must be unloved etc.
So, to pull them back down to earth with, "ok, lets see whats in your closet" might take a half an hour, because I cant get a word in between the insults and anger.
Another is to be called in to get ready for the week on a sunday before its dark, becomes a digging in " no, i'm not, go ahead, make me, you &^$%&$!
These are of course not "normal" reactions, while other of my children may resist coming inside before dark, only the 3 year old toddler, and the 14 year old BP, actually end up in a full blown tantrum over it
Saturday, August 7, 2010
placement
Had another IEP meeting last week for residential placement, and got some good info, allthough AB3632 pays for the program, there are restrictions due to insurance because should a medical neseccity come up, the insurance has to be used obviously, and so come to find out, most os the residential treatment places take medical, and many ONLY take medical, some take healthy fam which is what we have, and some take private insurance, .
so, I'm thinking, there must be a huge need from people who fit in the set of having medical , otherwise it wouldnt be like this, and I wonder why that is...
So, now we are looking at places a little farther away, which means the family therapy sessions would be done via telephone, or skype, if they have that.
Another thing I was told, is that it IS possible for the parent to influence the desicion where the child is placed, which I had been told before, I could not. If I want to can do some research on my own, then call and make a request, so thats what I will do. always feel better about knowing a little bit ahead of time, and also being involved in the desicion process.
so, I'm thinking, there must be a huge need from people who fit in the set of having medical , otherwise it wouldnt be like this, and I wonder why that is...
So, now we are looking at places a little farther away, which means the family therapy sessions would be done via telephone, or skype, if they have that.
Another thing I was told, is that it IS possible for the parent to influence the desicion where the child is placed, which I had been told before, I could not. If I want to can do some research on my own, then call and make a request, so thats what I will do. always feel better about knowing a little bit ahead of time, and also being involved in the desicion process.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
I Dont know where i read this, but I like it, so Im going to say it again.
You've heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child,,, well, heres a new just as true twist
It takes a village to support the mom raising a child with mental health issues.
Thats why I am starting a supportgroup, I couldnt find one in my area, all moms, (and dads too i guess) are welcome, we will share our failures and successes, and be a source of strength and information to each other, once a month the first tuesday of each month at my church, New Wine Church 1425 Brookhurst in fullerton, right off the 91 freeway, at 630.
You've heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child,,, well, heres a new just as true twist
It takes a village to support the mom raising a child with mental health issues.
Thats why I am starting a supportgroup, I couldnt find one in my area, all moms, (and dads too i guess) are welcome, we will share our failures and successes, and be a source of strength and information to each other, once a month the first tuesday of each month at my church, New Wine Church 1425 Brookhurst in fullerton, right off the 91 freeway, at 630.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
unsure?
Wondering weather or not your child has a mental health issue? Its difficult to pin point , and of course we dont want to see theres anything out of the "socallednormal" with our children, but consider this, by NOT looking into it if you suspect it, you may be hindering you child from succeeding and you may be the obstacle to their happiness and well being. SO think about this, many symptoms are everyday emotions and behaviours, what you need to look for is, weather they are presenting themselves more often than other children( much more) and if they are presenting themselves at different times, as inappropriate. If you see any of these, there may be reason for concern, and you should definetely have at leats 2 psychiatric evaluations? consultations.
also, I think its important to note, if you are not completely comfortable with the dr, get another!
also, if you find one you are comfortable with, and he/she says or want to implment something you dont agree with, voice your concerns and get clarity, it may be fine, and it may be unnessecary.
also, I think its important to note, if you are not completely comfortable with the dr, get another!
also, if you find one you are comfortable with, and he/she says or want to implment something you dont agree with, voice your concerns and get clarity, it may be fine, and it may be unnessecary.
The Desire of a Manic Depressive
The Desire of a Manic Depressive
Oh the desire for a steady mood,
for one that Bipolar does not intrude,
to level out the diverse swings,
the need to succeed and other things,
but the clouded reality could make you scream,
for this desire remains a dream.
- Emma Mack
Oh the desire for a steady mood,
for one that Bipolar does not intrude,
to level out the diverse swings,
the need to succeed and other things,
but the clouded reality could make you scream,
for this desire remains a dream.
- Emma Mack
Monday, July 19, 2010
Routines, and diets.
A few things that I think are super important, and easy to do are plenty of sleep, a steady routine, and a healthy diet free of pesticides and food coloring.
Really , its not as hard as you think.
Make a schedule and stick to it, remember mamma is the boss, haha. Take into account that most people with mental health struggles need a little more sleep than others, and children even more so, I schedule 9-10 hours for my 14 year old.
second, since things that come unexpected will throw anyone for a loop, keep a steady schedule so that they know what to expect and what comes next, when things are going to change, talk about it ahead of time if possible.
The diet, OK, this one takes a little more work, and its best if you get the whole family on the same page, so as not to single the child out. Pesticides and food colorings have been shown to have an impact on focus, learning, and central nervous system, even if its only a little, lets doo all we can and eliminate these things. I have read about other moms who take it one further and go gluten free as well, thats my next ambition.
Eating healthy will also help with weight so to help the all too often low self-esteem that we find in our children with MI.
Hope this helps, I look forward to your input
Really , its not as hard as you think.
Make a schedule and stick to it, remember mamma is the boss, haha. Take into account that most people with mental health struggles need a little more sleep than others, and children even more so, I schedule 9-10 hours for my 14 year old.
second, since things that come unexpected will throw anyone for a loop, keep a steady schedule so that they know what to expect and what comes next, when things are going to change, talk about it ahead of time if possible.
The diet, OK, this one takes a little more work, and its best if you get the whole family on the same page, so as not to single the child out. Pesticides and food colorings have been shown to have an impact on focus, learning, and central nervous system, even if its only a little, lets doo all we can and eliminate these things. I have read about other moms who take it one further and go gluten free as well, thats my next ambition.
Eating healthy will also help with weight so to help the all too often low self-esteem that we find in our children with MI.
Hope this helps, I look forward to your input
Sunday, July 18, 2010
yesterday we were gone for a few hours and cme back to find my son had been playing with water ,,,and fire,,,I have not see the plating with fire before, and have been asked in most standard forms at psychiatrist and psychologists about preoccupation with fire, so of course my mind went straight to &^%ohno!!!FIRE%^4AAHH.!!
Then I thought to myself, better not make a big deal out of it, after all it may never happen again, .
There is of course the danger of not thinking of consequences for actions and taking risks that fits my son to a tee, hence 4 broken bones over a 6 year period. And so , therefore, i will worry and keep an eye out for playing with fire, just add it to my list.
I think one thing we do in parenting children with mental health issues is put out lots of "guiderails".
More so than with my other children, with this son I need to put out many more guiderails, always redirecting and getting back on track, often denying some activities, as they would most certainly cause a flair up, such as all nighters. Lack of sleep is a certain trigger, and denying things like midnite toilet papering etc, for us is a must. Not easy, but has to be done.
Then I thought to myself, better not make a big deal out of it, after all it may never happen again, .
There is of course the danger of not thinking of consequences for actions and taking risks that fits my son to a tee, hence 4 broken bones over a 6 year period. And so , therefore, i will worry and keep an eye out for playing with fire, just add it to my list.
I think one thing we do in parenting children with mental health issues is put out lots of "guiderails".
More so than with my other children, with this son I need to put out many more guiderails, always redirecting and getting back on track, often denying some activities, as they would most certainly cause a flair up, such as all nighters. Lack of sleep is a certain trigger, and denying things like midnite toilet papering etc, for us is a must. Not easy, but has to be done.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
lies and blame
These few days of school have been on and off, tuesday he went, wednesday he didnt, thursday he went, friday he didnt, monday he went,,,and tuesday hewent. each day there was a struggle in the morning, weather he ended up going to school or not, and it was always, the school is dumb,
the school is retarded,
everyone makes fun of me,
i hate the school,
until today, this morning it was, i hate you, and its all your fault I'm going etc, so,, we are back to normal. Because thats whats normal here in our house, he hates me and everything is my fault,
If he has nothing to wear , its my fault, if his pants dont fit, its my fault, etc. Lats week, i gave him a new pair of shorts, well that was wrong because they were waaay too big, , but he wore them, This week, after a washing, the shorts were waay too small( my fault) but he wore them,,,
I have been sending money with him to buy lunch, and he comes home and tells me lunch was free, well, yesterday he spent the lunch money on arizona teas, so today I didnt give him lunch money since lunch was free,,, well that was wrong,,,
yesterday I asked him, where did you get money fro the teas,
he said " my friend gave it tome, I have 3 friends already"
so I said, then you have my 3 dollars still,
he said no
so i said, well then you spent them on the teas,
he said no,,,
eventually the truth did come out,
he spent the 3 dollars on the teas, I dont know why he lies about the obvious, but he does it all the time, i think he wants to be caught, but usually it ends in a huge blow up, today it was a small blow up, just a little yellling, and one door slamming, that all,,
the school is retarded,
everyone makes fun of me,
i hate the school,
until today, this morning it was, i hate you, and its all your fault I'm going etc, so,, we are back to normal. Because thats whats normal here in our house, he hates me and everything is my fault,
If he has nothing to wear , its my fault, if his pants dont fit, its my fault, etc. Lats week, i gave him a new pair of shorts, well that was wrong because they were waaay too big, , but he wore them, This week, after a washing, the shorts were waay too small( my fault) but he wore them,,,
I have been sending money with him to buy lunch, and he comes home and tells me lunch was free, well, yesterday he spent the lunch money on arizona teas, so today I didnt give him lunch money since lunch was free,,, well that was wrong,,,
yesterday I asked him, where did you get money fro the teas,
he said " my friend gave it tome, I have 3 friends already"
so I said, then you have my 3 dollars still,
he said no
so i said, well then you spent them on the teas,
he said no,,,
eventually the truth did come out,
he spent the 3 dollars on the teas, I dont know why he lies about the obvious, but he does it all the time, i think he wants to be caught, but usually it ends in a huge blow up, today it was a small blow up, just a little yellling, and one door slamming, that all,,
Im the beginning
when I first came to parent my son , he was almost 3 years old, and within a few weeks he was having extreme tantrums, and spewing profanity at me, I was shocked to say the leats. The tantrums were almost like spinning in circles with his arms out and going up and down, so as to do the most possible damage. followed of course by the standard throwing himself on the ground and beating it. For a while I thought , wow, these are radical terrible two's, then at 5 and 6 they were still there. I thought all along that I could "love" him well, by the time second round of 3rd grade came, I realized that this was bigger thanme and that I needed help, so we set out to get psychiatric help, got meds and therapy, been doing this for five years now...
Over the years, when ever something is unexpected, or of authority, we usually get a blow-up, and since I am usually the one who decides and controls things, as most mams do, most of the uglyness and hatred is directed at me. I do realize that much of it stems from before i got him, and tht most of it is outside of his control, but that doesnt always take the sting from what is happening. Today after 12 years, i can pretty well walk away and stay calm, because I have learned how over the years and picked up tools on how to interact with a child with his condition,
but surprisingly, I still get exhausted by it. I had 2 days away, this weekend, and the first day back, I was exhausted by 5 oclock!
Over the years, when ever something is unexpected, or of authority, we usually get a blow-up, and since I am usually the one who decides and controls things, as most mams do, most of the uglyness and hatred is directed at me. I do realize that much of it stems from before i got him, and tht most of it is outside of his control, but that doesnt always take the sting from what is happening. Today after 12 years, i can pretty well walk away and stay calm, because I have learned how over the years and picked up tools on how to interact with a child with his condition,
but surprisingly, I still get exhausted by it. I had 2 days away, this weekend, and the first day back, I was exhausted by 5 oclock!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
more resources
A website that i found informative for pediatric onset Bipolar disorder is BPkids.org, but now I cant find it anymore, there are lots out there though. Plus NAMI covers pediatric onset bipolar disorder.
theres lots of info on ADHD, and how it is often accompanied by ODD, as in my sons case.
One thing thats difficult to find good info on is RAD, reactive attachment disorder, a good website is radkid.org, and you should be able to find a therapist through their directory, RAD therapists are few and far between. and I have not seen this issue covered on the NAMI site.
/www.therapeuticmilieu.org/
Here's a website with lots of good info, i found especially residentials through here
do you have any resources you would like to share with me?
theres lots of info on ADHD, and how it is often accompanied by ODD, as in my sons case.
One thing thats difficult to find good info on is RAD, reactive attachment disorder, a good website is radkid.org, and you should be able to find a therapist through their directory, RAD therapists are few and far between. and I have not seen this issue covered on the NAMI site.
/www.therapeuticmilieu.org/
Here's a website with lots of good info, i found especially residentials through here
do you have any resources you would like to share with me?
first day of non public school
Well, i got up early tuesday morning to get ready for the big day, and,,, he wouldn't go. Iwasnt all that surprised, he told me the day before he wasnt going, he also wouldnt go do bloodwork, so then I had to take him off the lithium, and called for a replacement, meanwhile I am not giving him the adhd med since that can lead to agression, which obviously we dont want to do in an already agressive violent type. He was pretty defiant most of the day, trying to control things, which is the RAD, we had started RAD therapy couple of months ago,but he wouldnt participate much of the time, so I stopped. Its really hard to find a RAD therapist, and I had high hopes for the therapy, but oh well, just another let down. By the end of the day, he was calm, and we, much to my surprise, had a conversation about mental Illness without arguing, then he asked me to watch a special about it with him, amazing. then he went to bed, and the next morning got up and I took him to school. I left there at 9 oclock, and 1 hour 15 minutes later I had the first call from school.
The big difference now is they are not asking me to come pick him up, they are just letting me know whats going on! I'm sure part of his plan in being defiant was he thought he would get picked up, thats what happens in public school, but not now, this is the big league, these people will actually handle the problem!!WOW!!
He didnt actually have any class time, but came home on the van with the other kids, had some time in therapy with the DR of the school.
That evening we talked with him about school and he informed us he wasnt going the next day, and next morning, sure enough, refuses to go again..
also refused the consequence for refusing to go to school, which is staying in his room, so now I have a defiant child who pretty much does what he wants!
Since I am stillwaiting to get a new med and get him stable on it, I am not pushing any unpleasant issues with him, in fear he'll escalate into an episode where he wants to kill me again.
It sure is a slow process.
The big difference now is they are not asking me to come pick him up, they are just letting me know whats going on! I'm sure part of his plan in being defiant was he thought he would get picked up, thats what happens in public school, but not now, this is the big league, these people will actually handle the problem!!WOW!!
He didnt actually have any class time, but came home on the van with the other kids, had some time in therapy with the DR of the school.
That evening we talked with him about school and he informed us he wasnt going the next day, and next morning, sure enough, refuses to go again..
also refused the consequence for refusing to go to school, which is staying in his room, so now I have a defiant child who pretty much does what he wants!
Since I am stillwaiting to get a new med and get him stable on it, I am not pushing any unpleasant issues with him, in fear he'll escalate into an episode where he wants to kill me again.
It sure is a slow process.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
links and resources
here are a few helpful linkshttp://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Team-of-Advocates-for-Special-Kids-TASK/114858278813
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Open-Up/21130978842
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/officialNAMI?ref=ts
a few months ago, I met with a child advocate, to see if I should hire someone else to take charge of the situation, and if possibly a third party could do more than I was getting done. I came out of the meeting, clearly knowing that I am my childs best advocate, I believe no one will fight as hard and long for his rights and needs as I will, and so I will likely never hire an advocate. This may have something to do with my personality type, I tend to not give up, and I am stubborn, persistent and opinionated, when I put this to good use, things usually go my way.
I looked for a support group for parents of children with behaviour issues in socal, and could not find any, so I have created my own, we will have our first meeting tuesday August 3rd at 6:30, and will meet once a month, all are welcome, we will meet at my church, New Wine Church, in Fullerton 1425 brookhurst. weahter your child has a diagnosis, or you are just having trouble with something behaviour related at home or at school, you are welcome to come join us to talk or listen or both!
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Open-Up/21130978842
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/officialNAMI?ref=ts
a few months ago, I met with a child advocate, to see if I should hire someone else to take charge of the situation, and if possibly a third party could do more than I was getting done. I came out of the meeting, clearly knowing that I am my childs best advocate, I believe no one will fight as hard and long for his rights and needs as I will, and so I will likely never hire an advocate. This may have something to do with my personality type, I tend to not give up, and I am stubborn, persistent and opinionated, when I put this to good use, things usually go my way.
I looked for a support group for parents of children with behaviour issues in socal, and could not find any, so I have created my own, we will have our first meeting tuesday August 3rd at 6:30, and will meet once a month, all are welcome, we will meet at my church, New Wine Church, in Fullerton 1425 brookhurst. weahter your child has a diagnosis, or you are just having trouble with something behaviour related at home or at school, you are welcome to come join us to talk or listen or both!
Monday, July 5, 2010
passing time
So apparently I will get no cooperation with anything, at this point, and I'm not really stressing it. I got the services he needs approved, its just a matter of processing the papers at this point, so as long as he doesnt get so worked up that I have to call the police, I think I'm just going to pass time til residential starts. He is supposed to have first day of school tomorrow, but he wont take a shower, and he wont go to bed, so chances of his getting up in the morning are slim. I'll take it as it comes, and let the pro's battle it when they have him, that way I dont have to endure any more verbal abuse, and also our already fragile relationship doesnt have to tatter any more. That doesnt mean there wont be consequences for behaviour and defiance however. Now that he is enrolled , even if he wont sign the dress code etc, and even if he never even shows up, I think, I at least have the venue for the next IEP, where residential representatives will be present and will implement the next step. I am strongly hoping and praying for Vista Del Mar, its not too far away, and has great activities. If and when he runs away, or breaks the rules there, I'll worry about later. I am sooo glad I finally have this coming, since I need to get it done and get him well enought o accept his condition and function in society before he turns 18, at which point I think the funding changes.
this and that
Yesterday while I was driving to church, I was thinking about how we as a society treat mental illness different than we do other serious illness, and I thought I had great post in my head, but of course by the time I sit down to type, I have forgotten half of it. with most any other serious illlness, theres an immediate thought to whats the best medisin, what do I need to do. But some how when you tell someone you take psych meds, theres a different reaction. I mean shouldnt it be the same as if I tell you I have cancer and I will start with Chemo and radiation, or if I tell you, I have bipolar disorder and I take a combination of mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. I mean , to me as a parent , and also having had friends over the years who battle with BP(no pun intended),
the reaction is totally different, just an observation, much work needs to be done.
this evening I am prepping for tomorrows first day of special ed school, and also happen to be blood test day, for lithium dosing, which of course has to be done predosing,,,I feel like I'm setting myself up here, if its not apparent already, my son reacts usually with violence and threats, and profanity, when things are unpleasant, unexpected, unwanted, etc,,,
I can prepare for some of this, but not all of it obviously, so I attempt to prepare him for thiings slowly little at a time, however, he has already told me he isnt getting up tomorrow, and isnt going to school, or lab. I asked him to come sign some paperwork, and he said no, i wont, and I ma not going to follow the rules anyway, so I took the cord to the x-box, and told him no more video games,,, he then took the paperwork and saud i'm gonna rip it up, asked me if I had more, I said I'm sure they have more at school,,,
life would be so much simpler if your children didnt feel like you were out to get them,,,?
the reaction is totally different, just an observation, much work needs to be done.
this evening I am prepping for tomorrows first day of special ed school, and also happen to be blood test day, for lithium dosing, which of course has to be done predosing,,,I feel like I'm setting myself up here, if its not apparent already, my son reacts usually with violence and threats, and profanity, when things are unpleasant, unexpected, unwanted, etc,,,
I can prepare for some of this, but not all of it obviously, so I attempt to prepare him for thiings slowly little at a time, however, he has already told me he isnt getting up tomorrow, and isnt going to school, or lab. I asked him to come sign some paperwork, and he said no, i wont, and I ma not going to follow the rules anyway, so I took the cord to the x-box, and told him no more video games,,, he then took the paperwork and saud i'm gonna rip it up, asked me if I had more, I said I'm sure they have more at school,,,
life would be so much simpler if your children didnt feel like you were out to get them,,,?
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Letting go
Letting go, doesnt mean ( at least not to me) letting go of your child, or the fight onward. Letting go is letting go of the stress and the worry, easier said than done, I know. I do alot of praying, a lot!
I know with utmost certainty that i am following Gods lead, and this helps me to let go of the stress. I know that I am doing everything I can, and in praying about the outcome, I know that every door that is opened for my children through what I do on their behalf is blessed by God. Because I pray, I dont have to worry, sure I take it back sometimes, and worry anyway, I'm only human, often times in my quest for my sons education and in my other children too, I have been told, oh, no, you cant do it that way, most often, I end up getting it the way I set out for it to be, because I pray, Now I laugh when someone tells me it cant be done, ha, htey dont know who's in mt corner. This is not to say that I dont have setbacks, of course I do, and I dont always get my way, but I always get Gods way.
My biggest lesson in letting go, was the second time my daughter ran away, she is untreated ADD, and I believe undiagnosed RAD, with poss depression, call is mothers instinct, you know, we are usually right. Anyways, the second time, she ran, my husband was in Africa, on a missionary trip, I was pregnant at 41, and knew i had to keep my stresslevel down as I had already miscarried once a few months earlier and knew this was it. So when I found her bed with pillows in it still in the morning( she would sneak out alot and always come home before morning), I knew she was a gonner. I called my husband right away, it took a while to get a call back, meanwhile i prayed, and after talking to my husband, i completely let it go, I said God , she's in your hands. My daughter is still out there running, theres nothing I can do, some kids are bent on falling on their faces.
With my son, theres more psychiatric interventions, but i am starting to see the pattern, and at 14 I feel him slipping out of my hands, I work harder to get him what he needs before its too late, and I pray, so I dont have to worry. we all know too well how many people with Mh issues end up undiagnosed in the prisons instead, because we couldnt reach them in time, I wont let another one bite the dust! But , I dont worry. I do all the footwork, and the research, and I pray.
I know with utmost certainty that i am following Gods lead, and this helps me to let go of the stress. I know that I am doing everything I can, and in praying about the outcome, I know that every door that is opened for my children through what I do on their behalf is blessed by God. Because I pray, I dont have to worry, sure I take it back sometimes, and worry anyway, I'm only human, often times in my quest for my sons education and in my other children too, I have been told, oh, no, you cant do it that way, most often, I end up getting it the way I set out for it to be, because I pray, Now I laugh when someone tells me it cant be done, ha, htey dont know who's in mt corner. This is not to say that I dont have setbacks, of course I do, and I dont always get my way, but I always get Gods way.
My biggest lesson in letting go, was the second time my daughter ran away, she is untreated ADD, and I believe undiagnosed RAD, with poss depression, call is mothers instinct, you know, we are usually right. Anyways, the second time, she ran, my husband was in Africa, on a missionary trip, I was pregnant at 41, and knew i had to keep my stresslevel down as I had already miscarried once a few months earlier and knew this was it. So when I found her bed with pillows in it still in the morning( she would sneak out alot and always come home before morning), I knew she was a gonner. I called my husband right away, it took a while to get a call back, meanwhile i prayed, and after talking to my husband, i completely let it go, I said God , she's in your hands. My daughter is still out there running, theres nothing I can do, some kids are bent on falling on their faces.
With my son, theres more psychiatric interventions, but i am starting to see the pattern, and at 14 I feel him slipping out of my hands, I work harder to get him what he needs before its too late, and I pray, so I dont have to worry. we all know too well how many people with Mh issues end up undiagnosed in the prisons instead, because we couldnt reach them in time, I wont let another one bite the dust! But , I dont worry. I do all the footwork, and the research, and I pray.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
keep your head up
I dont want this blog to become a place where i just vent negativity, so i'm writing one before my son gets up, lol. At times through his life he has been a very happy boy, he used to sing while on the toilet and in the shower, but then get screaming mad shortly thereafter, we tried everything between heaven and earth to keep the happy boy going and not let in the screamer, coaching , getting in touch with anger, recognizing anger before it gets ahold, seeking the happy feelings, you name it. its sad to watch, because when there is happiness present it can be good, until RAD sets in, or ADHD takes over, then frustrations will kick in and Bipolar rears its ugly face!! arrgh!!
.so we keep going, chin up! lets find a new med, another technique, another therapist, lets try again, i will never give up1 Whatever it takes,,I'll do it!! Hoping you all take the same stand, as i am sure you will if you are moms of pediatric onset mental illness, after all, what else can we do? they are our children...
.so we keep going, chin up! lets find a new med, another technique, another therapist, lets try again, i will never give up1 Whatever it takes,,I'll do it!! Hoping you all take the same stand, as i am sure you will if you are moms of pediatric onset mental illness, after all, what else can we do? they are our children...
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
medications
We are right now in a transition stage as far as medication goes, these times are always a little stressful. In the past there has always been one constant mood stabilizer along with an adhd med and a second mood stabilizer, so when we do a change, we step down one, introduce a new one and eventually face out the first one, while all along having the one constant med. last time we went for med evaluation, we cut out one and started fazing out a second, to see how he would do without medisin, since as you can imagine, he thinks he doesnt need medisin and in fact the medisin is whats making him mad(!?)so now we are at the scary point where he is only taking his adhd meds, and ooh, let me tell you, wowweee. he is all over the place, flailing, arguing, twitching, yelling, in my face, angry, all over the place, argued for over an hour about eating dinner!
now we are going to try lithium, so i add that to the loooong list of meds, . in the past we have tried resperahl, lamictal, depakote,abilify,trileptol, and probably some more that i cant even remember.
the psych already said we will probably have to up the dose and add anothet accompanying medisin to get it right,wheew, lets see how it goes,
now we are going to try lithium, so i add that to the loooong list of meds, . in the past we have tried resperahl, lamictal, depakote,abilify,trileptol, and probably some more that i cant even remember.
the psych already said we will probably have to up the dose and add anothet accompanying medisin to get it right,wheew, lets see how it goes,
Thursday, June 24, 2010
threats
Today I started a conversation with my son about non public school and going to school and residential, so in trying to explain and answer questions, he opposes everything, argues everything and even argues to the point of contradicting himself, now he has threatened to kill me, kill himself, run away, make my life miserable, kill all his future teachers, kill everyone at residential,,,
and its apparently our fault that Martin is angry, that he is bipolar and that his life is the way it is,,,
It is really hard to try to talk reason into someone who has no reasonable thought, to explain logic to someone who lives in another reality. So now i listen to banging on walls, and threats til I dont know when, sadly also my toddler does not understand, but doesunderstand that her brother is upset, and so to her it looks like we are not nice to brother,,,
and its apparently our fault that Martin is angry, that he is bipolar and that his life is the way it is,,,
It is really hard to try to talk reason into someone who has no reasonable thought, to explain logic to someone who lives in another reality. So now i listen to banging on walls, and threats til I dont know when, sadly also my toddler does not understand, but doesunderstand that her brother is upset, and so to her it looks like we are not nice to brother,,,
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
non public school
Here in so cal, a special education school for emotionally disturbed children, is referred to as a non public school, its still funded by the school district and through mental health, but they call it a non public school, for whatever reason. Anyway, I was talking wiht my son about his upcoming enrollment in a non public school, and told him that we have to go meet with them next week, so he can talk to them, he said, no i'm not going to talk to them, and if they try to talk to me, i'm gonna shoot them all!
Wow, and he doesnt think theres any reason for a special school?
He is really interested in playing sports at the high school level, and I told him the only way back to high school public high school, is if he goes to non public and does well there, so he said ok, ill go, but i'm not talking to them, and i'm NOT playing sports there1
OK? Have it your way!!
Is any one else experiencing this kind of parenting obstacles?
Wow, and he doesnt think theres any reason for a special school?
He is really interested in playing sports at the high school level, and I told him the only way back to high school public high school, is if he goes to non public and does well there, so he said ok, ill go, but i'm not talking to them, and i'm NOT playing sports there1
OK? Have it your way!!
Is any one else experiencing this kind of parenting obstacles?
residential recomendation
So yesterday I received the recomendation for residential treatment, which is also approval for funding, and while I research the options, of course my son is buzy badgering me about anything and everything, snapping, blaming, grunting, whatever, it seems he just wants everyone to be miserable. also whenever I attempt to discuss with him the upcoming events in his life, I have to put up with a certain level of verbal abuse, apparently its my fault he is the way he is, and its my fault that he has to go to residential and special education school. Sometimes, when it becomes too much for me and I want to lash back, i stop, and instead I start singing to the Lord, walk with me Lord, through the house, this gives me strength to go on, but of course it irritates him, but then again everything irritates him, so I keep on trudging. I dont know why I was given a child to raise with mental health issues, but Im sure God does and that the reason will be revealed at some point. One thing I can tell you that I know, it is NOT easy, and all of you who do it, I pray peace upon you and your household
Thursday, June 17, 2010
education
I am writing this blog in an effort to help other parents of children with mental illness who are struggling with the parenting and ensuring that their children receive an education.
Parenting a child with bipolar disorder is extremely challenging, I will attempt to go through the chronology of events that took my son to eventually being placed in a non public school for children with emotional disorders.
What I have learned over the last 12 years, I hope to share with someone who doesnt know, so that you wont struggle to find the answers. One thing to keep in mind when your child starts to act out at home and at school, first take him to a psychiatrist, and get an evaluation and if applicable a diagnoses. The public school system has a duty to educate your child no matter what their academic or emotional circumstance. As soon as you start to suspect that your child may need more than what he or she is getting in the classroom, approach the teachers and counselors and ask for evaluation for IEP. Having an IEP in place is the first step in the process,no matter how far you may need to take it. I have had my child to several therapists and psychiatrist, keep going til you find one that you feel is doing what is right for youur child, and when that changes , because it might, thengo ahead and make a switch. You are going to have to be very assertive, you have to advocate, and insist that things be done. the services are in place, but no one is going to offer the information unless you ask. One of the hardest things I think, is fighting for his rights as a child, while he fights against me in everything I do, but I cannot let that stop me, I have seen first hand how often people with bipolar disorder end up in and out of jail and prison, or being suicidal and even ending their life. It is imperative that I do everything in my power to ensure that his life is as normal as possible.
We got our first IEP in place in the third grade, and that gave him RSP, which means he now has 2 or 3 periods a week in a classroom with a special teacher who ensures he is staying on task with his homework and classwork. The IEP team meets once a year to discuss education and behaviour goals and progress, but you the parent can call for an additional IEP meeting whenever you have something you want to discuss!! with behaviour issue there will be a plan implemented as to how and what the child will do in the event of conflict, or whatever is the concern for that child. For mine its conflict, and this will often result in threats of violence , violence, and profanity and vulgarity.
As things progress, more services will be needed, you can start with county mental health, but may find as I did that its not nesessarily the best. I also found that play therapy, which is what 90% of pediatric therapists will do, is useless, so keep looking til you find what works for you and your child. If your child is being sent out of class repaetedly, or is not keeping up wiht the work, call a meeting and discuss further services.
The next step for us, after 3 years, was a special day class for emotionally disturbed children. some schools have this at their campus,you will have to ask, they have the resources to find out,just keep asking. You can also call the district, and at some point your child will probably be offered weekly sessions with the school psychologist, that person also has some answers, but you will have to ask, the information is not offered up front. I think that the school psychologist is restricted from saying things about your child unless you ask, and have a diagnosis, for instance he canot suggest diagnoses for you. If and when your child has trouble even with the special day class, and is being sent out or home often, its time for another evaluation.
Iwent through a period when my son was being sent out of class for disruptive and inappropriate behaviour every week, and sometimes several times a week. They were sending him to work with the janitor! Ok, he liked working with the janitor, and it helped to calm him down, but lets not forget why our children go to school, for instruction, and the janitor is not instructing, so we had to limit this and make it an insentive rather than a solution. Also,if your child is in special ed , they cannot suspend the child more than 10 times in a school year to a truancy center, and they may try to get around that by giving him or her suspension to home, unrecorded. Make sure everything that is done at school is documented, you may also at this point start keeping a folder at home to document all the things that go on at home, especially if your child is violent like mine.
After being sent out of class repeatedly, it became apparent that my son needed a more restrictive setting inorder to receive his education. Most people , like my family and I, cannot afford the care that is required when it comes to mental health related issues,psychatric care is very costly,as long as your child is under 18 and its interfering with his education, the school system/district will pay for what is neede in order for the child to get an eduation with a diploma if possible, and if a diploma is not possible then with a certificate of completion and training in how to get a job etc.
There is a little known program called AB3632, which covers cost related to a special ed student outside of the normal classroom, again no one will tell you about it, you will find it on the IEP form, next to a box to check, and along with numerous other things that go unexplained.
this program covers almost everything even residential treatment, should you need it. This as you may know costs several thousand dollars per month, the application process takes about 4-6 months, and you have to stay proactive.
We are now in the process of placing our child in a non public school for emotional disturbed, while we wait for the paperwork for residential treatment to be processed. This will happen at the time our son would normally go inot high school, and needless to say, he is not happy about it, however as a parent I have to stay focused on the fact that he needs to get an education, and unless and until he gets his mental health issues under somewhat control, he is only going to continue being suspended and expelled. So this is where we are right now, I hope someone can get useful information, and as things progress I will continue to fill this blog with the information I receive. God Bless you , and your children, remember they are Gods children entrusted to us while here on earth, and we have to do our very best by them for Him.
Parenting a child with bipolar disorder is extremely challenging, I will attempt to go through the chronology of events that took my son to eventually being placed in a non public school for children with emotional disorders.
What I have learned over the last 12 years, I hope to share with someone who doesnt know, so that you wont struggle to find the answers. One thing to keep in mind when your child starts to act out at home and at school, first take him to a psychiatrist, and get an evaluation and if applicable a diagnoses. The public school system has a duty to educate your child no matter what their academic or emotional circumstance. As soon as you start to suspect that your child may need more than what he or she is getting in the classroom, approach the teachers and counselors and ask for evaluation for IEP. Having an IEP in place is the first step in the process,no matter how far you may need to take it. I have had my child to several therapists and psychiatrist, keep going til you find one that you feel is doing what is right for youur child, and when that changes , because it might, thengo ahead and make a switch. You are going to have to be very assertive, you have to advocate, and insist that things be done. the services are in place, but no one is going to offer the information unless you ask. One of the hardest things I think, is fighting for his rights as a child, while he fights against me in everything I do, but I cannot let that stop me, I have seen first hand how often people with bipolar disorder end up in and out of jail and prison, or being suicidal and even ending their life. It is imperative that I do everything in my power to ensure that his life is as normal as possible.
We got our first IEP in place in the third grade, and that gave him RSP, which means he now has 2 or 3 periods a week in a classroom with a special teacher who ensures he is staying on task with his homework and classwork. The IEP team meets once a year to discuss education and behaviour goals and progress, but you the parent can call for an additional IEP meeting whenever you have something you want to discuss!! with behaviour issue there will be a plan implemented as to how and what the child will do in the event of conflict, or whatever is the concern for that child. For mine its conflict, and this will often result in threats of violence , violence, and profanity and vulgarity.
As things progress, more services will be needed, you can start with county mental health, but may find as I did that its not nesessarily the best. I also found that play therapy, which is what 90% of pediatric therapists will do, is useless, so keep looking til you find what works for you and your child. If your child is being sent out of class repaetedly, or is not keeping up wiht the work, call a meeting and discuss further services.
The next step for us, after 3 years, was a special day class for emotionally disturbed children. some schools have this at their campus,you will have to ask, they have the resources to find out,just keep asking. You can also call the district, and at some point your child will probably be offered weekly sessions with the school psychologist, that person also has some answers, but you will have to ask, the information is not offered up front. I think that the school psychologist is restricted from saying things about your child unless you ask, and have a diagnosis, for instance he canot suggest diagnoses for you. If and when your child has trouble even with the special day class, and is being sent out or home often, its time for another evaluation.
Iwent through a period when my son was being sent out of class for disruptive and inappropriate behaviour every week, and sometimes several times a week. They were sending him to work with the janitor! Ok, he liked working with the janitor, and it helped to calm him down, but lets not forget why our children go to school, for instruction, and the janitor is not instructing, so we had to limit this and make it an insentive rather than a solution. Also,if your child is in special ed , they cannot suspend the child more than 10 times in a school year to a truancy center, and they may try to get around that by giving him or her suspension to home, unrecorded. Make sure everything that is done at school is documented, you may also at this point start keeping a folder at home to document all the things that go on at home, especially if your child is violent like mine.
After being sent out of class repeatedly, it became apparent that my son needed a more restrictive setting inorder to receive his education. Most people , like my family and I, cannot afford the care that is required when it comes to mental health related issues,psychatric care is very costly,as long as your child is under 18 and its interfering with his education, the school system/district will pay for what is neede in order for the child to get an eduation with a diploma if possible, and if a diploma is not possible then with a certificate of completion and training in how to get a job etc.
There is a little known program called AB3632, which covers cost related to a special ed student outside of the normal classroom, again no one will tell you about it, you will find it on the IEP form, next to a box to check, and along with numerous other things that go unexplained.
this program covers almost everything even residential treatment, should you need it. This as you may know costs several thousand dollars per month, the application process takes about 4-6 months, and you have to stay proactive.
We are now in the process of placing our child in a non public school for emotional disturbed, while we wait for the paperwork for residential treatment to be processed. This will happen at the time our son would normally go inot high school, and needless to say, he is not happy about it, however as a parent I have to stay focused on the fact that he needs to get an education, and unless and until he gets his mental health issues under somewhat control, he is only going to continue being suspended and expelled. So this is where we are right now, I hope someone can get useful information, and as things progress I will continue to fill this blog with the information I receive. God Bless you , and your children, remember they are Gods children entrusted to us while here on earth, and we have to do our very best by them for Him.
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